Things BPD People Do...



There are no shades of gray in the minds of those with Borderline Personality Disorder. Everything and everyone is either wonderful and perfect and fantastically amazing, or the most horrible, terrible, evil and bad thing ever. Black and white thinking, idealization and devaluation, and polarized extremes
are ever-present (and ever - shifting) themes. One moment, you may be placed on a pedestal and viewed as just the greatest person ever, without equal, a hero or heroine without so much as even the tiniest flaw, and then, without warning, you will be seen as the exact opposite, with absolutely NOTHING at all good about you. These shifts are typically based on what most people would consider to be small, even inconsequential, events. At times, you may not even be able to identify which occurrence has created the sudden dramatic shift in perception.


It's impossible to predict which way the wind will blow when you're in a relationship with a borderline person. Moodiness, impulsivity, instability, unpredictability, ill-temperedness, extreme emotional reactions, and high emotional sensitivity are the norm, and all of these combine to create emotional and situational chaos. One moment, all may be well and nothing is wrong in the world, and the next moment, everything is falling to pieces and can never be fixed. There is no middle ground, and situations are either perfectly perfect or horribly horrible. Because there is no middle ground, instead of moving slowly from feeling good to feeling not quite so good, minor events cause the person with BPD to switch instantaneously from feeling irrationally fantastic to irrationally terrible. Those in relationships often feel desperately needed, then desperately hated for not attending to those needs sufficiently or quickly enough.


People with BPD are horrified at the prospect of being alone in life. They may call you frequently when you're away, beg you to promise you will never leave them, and become suicidal if they feel abandoned. What most people consider to be normal periods of separation or distance are felt as abandonment and complete aloneness by people with Borderline Personality Disorder.
      Note: Similar behavior to this can also be seen in Dependent Personality Disorder.


People with BPD experience self-destructive impulses and suicidality. Self-injury, self-sabotage and suicidal risk are commonly experienced. Especially when unhappy (which typically happens often and very easily) borderline people can become upset to the point of cutting, burning or otherwise harming themselves, threatening or attempting suicide, or acting out destructively without warning.


People with Borderline Personality Disorder are tiring and frustrating to be around. You may find yourself dreading spending time with them, feeling wrung out after contact, and relieved to have gotten time away. When in the presence of people with BPD, it's not uncommon to feel drained, pulled upon, tired, withdrawn in frustration, stressed, confused, annoyed or driven to distraction. People who have been in relationships with BPD individuals have described a feeling of being drawn into a vortex of emotional chaos, unreasonability and impossible expectations.


Hair-trigger impulses, snap decisions, moodiness and emotional thinking push and pull people with Borderline Personality Disorder off in different directions without warning, sometimes causing conflicts with arrangements even they themselves have made. Addictive and impulsive behaviors such as gambling, substance abuse,
physical aggression, overspending, eating disorders, and unhealthy risk-taking are common problems for people with BPD. Trying to determine or predict the behaviors of borderline people can leave you feeling even more discouraged and frustrated than before you made the attempt.


People with BPD report feeling empty in places where they should feel a sense of self, and can experience episodes of dissociation. They may describe themselves as feeling "out-of-it" or "invisible", as if they don't matter and don't really exist. Where most people have a solid sense of who they are and what their purpose is, the borderline person feels as if they're standing on shifting sand, and can't gain a sense of stability or balance. Though they may have islands of competence, such as in a field of work or other activity, the rest of their lives can be utter chaos, without a true sense of direction or an accurate reflection of who the person underneath the disorder is.



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Note: Not all people with BPD believe all these things, and some of these things are occasionally
true of people without BPD.This list is not exhaustive; these are simply some common examples.



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